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User blog:LakuitaBro01.2/The Ultimate Battle Royale
The Ultimate Battle Royale is a What-If?Death Battle by LakuitaBro01.2 Note: The early analysis for characters is subject to change and will be edited to fit more modern information if not created within the past six months or so (ie analysis put up at time of posting, 4-26-19, will be changed). Description: Super Smash Bros. Ultimate converges upon itself! This cast of 78 characters are now in a Free For All fight to the death! Who will come out on top? '' Interlude: Wiz: Born from the mind of Masashiro Sakurai, the Smash Bros. franchise has touched millions of people's hearts as children all over the world have grown up with each rendition of the game. '''Boomstick: From top tiers to low tiers, to favorites to least favorites, there's numerous characters that anyone can choose to pick up and play.' Wiz: So today, we begin the fight to end all fights, every character for themselves in this battle. Boomstick: He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick. Wiz: And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skill to see who would win a Death Battle. Mario: Donkey Kong: Wiz: The Donkey Kong line has extended for three generations of apes, starting with the Kong that first contended with Jump Man. Then came Donkey Kong Jr., who was forced to save his father from Jump Man himself. Boomstick: And here comes Expanded Donkey Kong the Third, the all powerful dong. Wiz: And here we go with the expand dong jokes. From the generations, Mario and Donkey Kong did hate each other, but the current Donkey Kong is in a friendly rivalry with the plumber. Boomstick: They've played tennis together, raced cars together, soccer, anything you can think of. Donkey Kong has been there to compete with Mario. Wiz: Donkey Kong is a formidable foe, standing at an astonishing 8 feet tall, and he is purely muscle. Boomstick: How strong is he? Well, glad you asked! You see the moon? Imagine that but a bit smaller, and an ape is capable of punching it down to the Earth in a second. Wiz: As we've calculated before, it is a punch capable of outputting over 3,000 megatons of force. Boomstick: Donkey Kong can also punch stuff at meteor pace speeds, with is 25,000 miles per hour. He can dodge arrows on a bridge, and he can survive the Gs of being launched out of barrels at Mach speeds. Wiz: Donkey Kong has also survived re entering orbit TWICE AND the explosion that sent him up to the moon in the first place. Boomstick: Donkey Kong has special moves and items at his disposal. The Spinning Kong takes him short vertical distances. His headbutt can bury people in the ground. The Giant Punch could move the moon out of the sky. And the Ground Slam shakes the ground so hard that small earthquakes occur. Wiz: Donkey Kong also carries the Coconut Gun, which fires homing coconuts. Boomstick: And judging from his fight with Knuckles, they hurt. Wiz: Donkey Kong also can use grenades, Orange Grenades, to be exact. Upon throwing these grenades, they, of course, explode. Boomstick: DK also has a mode of transportation for himself. Wiz: Rambi the Rhino is a beast. He can chase down enemies and trample them, he's even tough enough to take down wooden crates bigger then DK in a single shot. Boomstick: But DK has his weaknesses. For example, rememeber how he's all muscle? Well... Wiz: That includes his brain since he apparently has a cranial deformity. this makes him... rather stupid, like, REALLY stupid. Such stupidity includes thinking he was a crocodile, or maybe even the fact he followed his own treasure map... without knowing it was his. Boomstick: And don't forget about his insufferable laziness too. Wiz: DK and Diddy spent at least a few hours selling frozen coconuts, and he was making serious cash off of it, but apparently cracking coconuts with a fist gets tiring after that amount of time. Boomstick: However, Donkey Kong might after all have the dong that could pierce the heavens. Link: Samus: Wiz: Born to humans but raised by the alien race Chozos because some asshole pterodactyl kill her parents, Samus Aran is the most feared bounty hunter in the galaxy. Boomstick: At least she wouldn't try to kill me, unlike Jade... Wiz: Who the hell is Jade? Anyways, Samus is on tough motherfucker, being able to survive gravity that would kill the average man, let alone be able to run Mach 4.9 on it. Boomstick: Samus, while having little strength feats, makes up for it with her plethora of missiles and lasers. Wiz: So many lasers that the best one is her Ice Beam, a beam so cold that it can freeze a star, according to calculations. Boomstick: Samus's misisles also come in different forms. Such as normal and super. There is also a freeze missile upgrade that, of course, freezes the opponent. Wiz: And for other abilities, she can bust through solid chunks of ice by using the Speed Booster, attack enemies multiple times using the Screw Attack- Plethora of SA workers: AAAAY! Boomstick: The morph ball lets her drop bombs and the almighty power bomb, the same used to put down the Metroid Queen. Wiz: Her grappling beam allows her to pull her targets to her and attack from there. Heck, she even has a cannon that's designed to shoot molten lava at her enemies. Boomstick: Well, looks like Bowser is screwed. Wiz: And along with that she can shoot a flamethrower from her arm cannon. But her mightiest beam is the Hyper Beam. Whenever she goes into Hyper Mode, watch the hell out. Boomstick: This beam's damage is labeled "devastating" and it's the only thing that could really defeat the all powerful Dark Samus. Wiz: But enough about the stuff she can shoot because honestly, that would take forever. Samus can withstand planet sized explosions and can run so fast that a beam of light cannot truly stop her, hell, it couldn't incinerate her. Boomstick: But if you somehow close the gap with Samus, she doesn't really have that many options up close, leaving her almost helpless. Wiz: But the Galactic Federation's own bounty hunter is anything but helpless. Dark Samus: Yoshi: Kirby: Fox: Pikachu: Luigi: Ness: Captain Falcon: Jigglypuff: Peach: Wiz: Princess Peach, the original ruler of the Mushroom Kingdom and the holder of many powers. Boomstick: One of which seems to be able to be kidnapped by the same turtle for almost three and a half decades. Amazing. Wiz: Uh, no. Those are not her powers at all. Anyways, her powers are the Vibe Powers, powers that she can use by channeling her emotions, all thanks to the Vibe Scepter- Boomstick: *pft* Sorry, everytime- Okay, okay. These Vibe Powers come in four. Joy allows her to fly, Gloom increases speed and her tears damage her enemies, Calm creates a healing bubble, and finally the time of the month Rage gives her invulnerable to attacks but slows her down a lot. Wiz: Other examples of her powers are flotation, can heal herself, and use a magic sheep that puts her enemies to sleep. Boomstick: The same thing that fucked over Zelda last time. And as always, the Mega Strike Empress Peach. This move, as shown before, can obliterate the human head. Peach also has her fair share of "weaponry". Wiz: This weaponry consists of a tennis racket, a frying pan, a golf club, turnips that she can pull from anywhere, Perry the Parasol: a living parasol that can stun enemies, and finally, the Peach Bomber. Boomstick: The hips do not lie in this move as being hit by it can cause an explosion. Wiz: And she's been known to use power ups as well. These power ups include the Fire Flower, a power that lets her shoot fire balls. The Star power up makes her invincible for a short time. The Mega Mushroom makes her a giant. The Boomerang Flower lets her materialize boomerangs that she can throw for long distances. Boomstick: The Super Leaf gives her the Tanooki Suit, which makes her able to float, as if that wasn't already prominent, and lets her send projectiles back with a swipe of her tail. And the Double Cherry creates two of her. Wiz: While Princess Peach may seem like a fragile character, she has survived many end-life things, such as a reality warping blast which decimated everything but left her, Mario, and Bowser virtually untouched while everyone else seemed to perish. Boomstick: And not to mention she has a lot of experience in combat from her being playable in 37 of over 55 games. Wiz: However, she is weak and while extremely athletic, is slow. But with her impressive arsenal, combat experience, and durability, Peach might win this battle. Peach: Alright! Daisy: Bowser: Wiz: The Mario kingdom is a vast place full of beautiful creatures and scenery. Boomstick: But like any beautiful flower, it was a dark side. I am talking about peri-''' Wiz: THIS Dark side of the Mushroom Kingdom is the Koopa Kingdom. '''Boomstick: Full of sentient turtles, brown penises with feet, giant yellow cacti that need to move faster, you name it! But there is one that stands out above all else... King Koopa. Wiz: Commonly known as Bowser, this over nine feet tall turtle is one of the powerhouses in the Marioverse. You may be asking, how strong is Bowser? Well we had to do pixel scaling or in other words pixel measurements from Bowser's Inside Story and following a bunch of math of Bowser carrying a cannonball 7.625 times his size across its diameter or seventy feet at its widest. Boomstick: Then calculating Bowser's full height he is 9.25196 so times that by 7.625 and you get 70.546195. Divide that by two and you get 35.2730975. Now doing the calculations for the volume of a sphere, you get 183901.9259746328 cubic feet but that's not all. Wiz, you do the rest, I'm done with math for today. Wiz: Cast iron, assuming that's what the cannonball is made out of, is 450 pounds per cubic foot. When multiplying the volume by the cast iron weight, you get a whopping 82755866.68858476 pounds of solid iron. Divide that by 2000 and you get approximately 41,378 tons. But there is a feat more impressive than that. Boomstick: In the same game, he was shown to move an island towards him. Wiz: He can even defeat enemies who are possibly five times as tall as he is. Boomstick: And Bowser is one durable fuck as he's been thrown in lava multiple times, can still fight even as a skeleton, has had his own castle fall on him and he survived, he even fell into a star, survived the explosion of a supernova, blown up, electrocuted, flash frozen and then shattered, yet he has never been truly defeated. Hell, in playable Bowser sections in The Thousand Year Door he has infinite lives, possibly explaining his durability. Wiz: And despite being a turtle, Bowser is quite athletic and fast. Being able to keep up with Mario and others in the Olympic Games. He can also jump at insane heights and slam down creating a shockwave. Boomstick: Bowser does have powers and abilities such as his flame breath, allowing him to spit erratic shots at enemies, spit blue hot flames that home-in on his enemies, and more fire abilities. Wiz: He can duck in his shell for cover, roll into enemies to hurt them, can bite people and poison them, and he can also use lightning to some extent. Boomstick: He can teleport as well, shown in the Galaxy games. Possibly due to his knowledge of dark magic. And he can transform into a giant, beastly form called Giga Bowser Wiz: In this form, Bowser becomes twice as strong and all his attacks have a side effect, such as being frozen, catching on fire, being paralyzed, or other side effects. However, this does not last for a long time. Boomstick: Bowser is a power house, but that doesn't mean he doesn't have any weaknesses. Wiz: Bowser isn't that smart compared to everyone else. And he isn't all that great on the long-ranged field. Boomstick: But besides that, Bowser might flare out the competition. Ice Climbers: Shiek: Zelda: Dr. Mario: Pichu: Falco: Marth: Lucina: Young Link: Ganondorf: Mewtwo: Roy: Chrom: Mr. Game & Watch: Meta Knight: Pit: Dark Pit: Zero Suit Samus: Wario: Wiz: Greedy, fat, and seriously looks like a troll, Wario is possibly one of the more known video game characters out there. Boomstick: He is hideous, but that doesn't mean he can pull a Zangief and pile drive his enemies into the ground! Wiz: Yes, Wario is strong enough to pick up a Dragon and piledrive it. But that's not all he can do. He can crash through solid brick with a shoulder charge, throw his enemies over large distances, and roll to break through brick, stone, and ice. Boomstick: And this guys' teeth are so big. I mean, he bites his enemies and chomps on them as an attack. Oh, also, he has a Nuclear Fart Attack that propels him so fucking high into the air. Wiz: Wario also has his fair share of abilities, such as the Pots- no, not the drug, but Pots. There are three pots that give him abilities. The Jet Pot gives him bunny ears and gives him the ability to fly. The Dragon Pot gives him pyrokinesis that works underwater. Finally, the Bull Pot gives him enhanced strength and can cling to walls. Boomstick: I know it's a Mario character, but seriously, Rabbit Ears lets him fly? Breath fire underwater? Bulls cling to walls? Wiz: Don't question it. Boomstick: Anyways, Wario is known as the Master of Disguise as well. Even though these abilities are strong, one hit and they're gone. But anyways, these 8 forms start with Thief Wario, an absolute useless form that only increases his speed. Wiz: Cosmic Wario gives him a laser gun and allows him to jump higher. Arty Wario allows him to create hearts for health and create boxes. On the downside, he can't move OR attack. Boomstick: Genius Wario can see invisible items and uses an extendable boxing glove to hit foes at large distances. Wiz: Sparky Wario allows him to shoot sparks of electricity. Dragon Wario is basically the Dragon Pot. Captain Wario can float on water and submerge and fire torpedoes. Finally, Wicked Wario... he can just fly. Boomstick: And that's not all. Wario has a super form like most of these fighters. Wario Man is accessed by eating a special garlic, seriously what is up with him and garlic? Anyways, Wario Man is invulnerable to attacks, is faster and stronger, can survive in space, and can fly momentarily. Wiz: And Wario has his own modes of transportation, such as the Wario Car. The Wario Car is essentially a sports car. However it takes time to build up speed. Boomstick: And the Wario Bike. A bike custom-built for Wario. It has better acceleration than The Wario Car and is good for chasing down enemies. And if it breaks, he can use the wheels as weapons. Wiz: Wario is capable of many feats, the most notable is that he overpowered and out sped the Shake King. Boomstick: Keep in mind, The Shake King has two feats. One of them is flying across the world at Massively Hypersonic speeds and when he died, he released enough energy to decimate a moon, AND WARIO was at the epicenter! Wiz: Wario, however, is very greedy and will often cheat to win, which if going against an aggressive enemy will sure as hell fucking backfire. Plus, he too is kind of an idiot, like, a lot of his plans fail. Boomstick: Example: One time he and Waluigi were playing Golf, and naturally they wanted to cheat to win, but they over shot the put. Wiz: And hit Bowser. Or the one time they tried to sign up for Mario Kart and failed THAT of all things and were chased around by the cops. Long story short, he's an idiot. Boomstick: But Wario can prove to the world that he is da best. Snake: Ike: Wiz: Born in the in the continent of Tellius to the leader of the Greil Mercenaries, Ike was a normal child that was trained under his father. Boomstick: And even though he was a normal child and not of royalty, why does every Fire Emblem protagonist need blue hair? Wiz: I don't know, Boomstick. When Ike was finally old enough to join his father's group, he was looked down upon by the others in the group. Boomstick: But after a few missions of success, Ike was finally accepted as one with the group... until the Black Knight killed his father. Wiz: Ike took his sister, took up leadership of the group, and took them around Tellius to defeat the Black Knight and to win a war. Boomstick: He started out as a ranger and stayed that way for most of the Mad King's War. But when he achieved the class of being a lord, boy was he stronger. Wiz: This is true as the sword he wields, Ragnell, is supposed to be a two-handed sword, but Ike swings it fairly quickly with one hand. He also has another weapon, his father's axe Urvan. This axe is so giant and it's claimed to be the most powerful axe in all of Tellius. Boomstick: Now Ike has his fair share of abilities. Such as Eruption, an attack that envelops Ragnell in an orange fire and the longer it's charged, the more powerful it will be. Hell, when it's charged up all the way it causes an actual explosion! Wiz: He can also use Counter, and attack that if Ike gets hit, he will hit his opponent back with as much damage they did to him. And Ike's most iconic ability is the Aether. He throws his sword up in the air, ctaches it, and then brings it down on top of his enemies. Boomstick: Quickdraw allows him to close the distance with is enemies fairly quickly and then slash at them. And finally, Ike's most powerful move: The Great Aether. Wiz: The Great Aether envelops Ragnell in fire while Ike swings it upward, knocking his opponent in the air. From there, he jumps up and slashes them repeatedly before slamming the sword on top of them and bringing them to the ground. Boomstick: But Ike's most powerful attribute is his blessing from the Goddess Yune. With this blessing, he was able to take down the Goddess Ashera, annihilating her with Ragnell. Wiz: And because Ike loves to fight for his friends, that's what causes him to win his battles often. Whether it was for being the only one to ever disarm a Subspace Bomb or to defeat the man that killed his father: The Black Knight. Boomstick: Even tohugh he has borderline superhuman strength, he is very slow because of his heavy armor and sword and axe. But somehow he has been shown to ru nas wast as Marth and Meta Knight, bah whatever. Wiz: What does matter is that Ike loves and fights for his friends. Pokemon Trainer: Squirtle: Ivysaur: Charizard: Boomstick: In the world of pokemon, there are many cute, cuddly creatures that turn into badasses. But one of these badasses is the most ferocious of them all. Wiz: This pokemon we are talking about is the almighty Dragon Pokemon, Charizard. Boomstick: Charizard is a very formidable opponent, being able to sweep the battle field clean with its devastating fire type attacks. Wiz: Such attacks include Fire Spin, Flamethrower, Flare Blitz, Fire Fang, and Flame Burst. However, using Flare Blitz causes recoil damage. Boomstick: And along with the flame attacks, he has his deal of other attacks as well. Such as Slash, Dragon Claw, Shadow Claw, Wing Attack, or Air Slash. Wiz: Now you might be asking, "how powerful are a Charizard's flame attacks?" It's simple. Charizards can burn through solid stone, meaning its flamethrower reaches over 2000 degrees Fahrenheit. Boomstick: Make some smores out of that, kids. Wiz: Charizards stats in Speed and Special Attack are pretty impressive, however the other stats don't do so well. Boomstick: But hey, Charizard has a mega form: Mega Charizard X Wiz: This form boosts its attack, defense, and special attack, making it a huge force to be reckoned with. Especially since it has some devastating physical attacks under its belt. Boomstick: And this guy finally got the typing we all wanted Charizard to be: Fire and Dragon. Wiz: But Charizards have a downfall, a MASSIVE downfall at that. Boomstick: Charizards are aggressive and act as warriors and will seek out opponents bigger and stronger and fight them. It's like Kanye West and a dragon had a baby. Wiz: And if its tail gets doused with water then it dies rather quickly. And it is also weak to Electricity and Rocks. Boomstick: But if you really want a fucking DRAGON to fly around on and kick the asses of your enemies with, Charizard will be your main man. Diddy Kong: Lucas: Sonic: King Dedede: Wiz: Dreamland is magical place full of cute little creatures that are powerful enough to crack the planet in half and slaughter the helpless who attempt to defend themselves by walking right at their killer. Boomstick: And those little fucktard creatures are known as the Waddle Dees Nuts, guardians of their kingdom. Wiz: Now, who is their king? A giant Waddle Dee? A giant Waddle Doo? A giant little annoying creature htta gets pissed when you pick up a damn key- Boomstick: It's a fucking penguin. But not just one ordinary penguin, we're talking a penguin that wears clothes, wields a heavy ass mallet, and talks like the asshole country guy that thinks he's better than you. His name is King Dedede. Wiz: What you just described with the asshole country guy is you, except Dedede was a slightly higher voice. Anyways King Dedede is strong enough to swing that giant hammer around, he can swing it hard enough to damage Kirby, who has planet level durability. Boomstick: And if you can hurt someone with planet level durability, you can sure as hell hurt people a few steps above that. Wiz: King Dedede is able to inhale his opponents much like Kirby, but he cannot copy their abilities. Instead, he spits them out as stars, dealing a good bit of damage. Boomstick: And he can hammerspace his minions and throw them as projectiles, more particularly, Gordos. Gordos are giant spiky balls that are made out of iron, and they pack a wallop. Wiz: And he can do a quick jump in the air, and when he lands, it's powerful. And his hammer acts as a giant combuster engine, capable of exploding upon contact. Boomstick: Dedede is capable of many hammer attacks as well, sliding across the ground while swinging it around, throwing it and it poofing back into his hand, and somehow it catches on fire before swinging, doing extreme damage. Wiz: But that's not all, as Dedede has a different form: Masked Dedede Boomstick: Masked Dedede, as the name implies, is King Dedede with a mask on. However, he has a powered up hammer and new moves. Wiz: His new hammer packs a harder punch, can fire miniature missiles, use the hammer's flamethrower, does a super powered hammer spin that seemingly breaks the sound barrier, and can shock the battle field with an electrical charge that runs through it. Boomstick: However, Dedede has flaws. He's very greedy and that sometimes gets in his way of getting what he wants. also, he loses to a baby. Wiz: But even still, he's a force to be reckoned with. Olimar: Lucario: R.O.B.: Toon Link: Wolf: Villager: Mega Man: Wii Fit Trainer: Rosalina & Luma: Little Mac: Greninja: The Miis: A Mii: Brawler: Swordfighter: Gunner: Palutena: Pac-Man: Robin: Shulk: Bowser Jr.: Duck Hunt: Ryu: Ken: Cloud: Corrin: Bayonetta: Inkling: Ridley: Simon: Richter: King K. Rool: Isabelle: Incineroar: Piranha Plant: Joker: Death Battle: Results: Category:Blog posts Category:LakuitaBro01.2 Category:What-If? 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